一個人生活
Today I went to put my signature down on a piece of paper
Which came with 4 other pages of text
Terms and conditions I guess
Excitement lasted for the next 30 minutes talking to the HR
While I was walking out of the office
Very strangely, a wee bit, a tiny tinge of regret started gnawing at me
Family, Friends, Basically all the people and the Singapore
What now?
Emotional me is starting to take over the rational one
Am really very fine so don’t yall worry
Just need to really accept the fact I am a working adult
An engineer to be exact
No longer the “Forever 17” frivolous nutcase
Probably I have to give up the moos too
Another phase of life
Another minor crisis
In yet another day of a silly cow’s life
我想我可以習慣一個人生活
我想我可以假裝不曾愛過
冰涼的夜裡讓眼淚溫熱我
我想我可以習慣一個人生活
在記憶裡面擦去你的承諾
愛情怎麼會是這個結果
我想我可以習慣一個人生活
我想我可以假裝不曾愛過
感覺如果要走誰能說 NO
我想我可以習慣一個人生活
在記憶裡面擦去你的承諾
愛情是個夢而我睡過頭
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Mom's fine
Thankfully
Shenzhen's next
Scarily
That's all
For now
Yup
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胡思乱想
Was flipping through my old organizers (JC days) and found these. Scribbled on one of the pages. Man was I troubled then. Still these were beautifully composed and copied of course. I do not have so much 墨水. Enjoy!
众里寻她千百度
蓦然回首
那人却在灯火阑珊处
(Has this happened to you?)
本待将心向明月
谁知明月照沟渠
(This I personally feel is suaning people. Haha!)
东边日出西边雨
道是无晴还有晴天
(Cheem one here. But uncertainty at its best.)
问世间情为何物
直叫人生死相许
(Made famous by The Condor Heroes)
两情若是久长时
又岂在朝朝暮暮
(Very true)
曾经沧海难为水
除去巫山不是云
(Cheemelogy. Makes you feel kinda old and weary.)
枝上柳绵吹又少
天涯何处无芳草
(Promotes multiple partners. Haha!)
命里有时终须有
命里无时莫强求
(So very very true)
Music: 林凡 - 我的八月怎麼過 (Hmm What a conincidence! August my month of upheaval)
Mood: 胡思乱想
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Always Pissed
Am so temperamental these days
One moment i will be smiling
The next i could be sad / depressed
And the rest of the time i would be angry and pissed
The last being the most prevalent mood these days
Just a simple example would be early this morning
A short simple trip to the market with my mom
And boy was i pissed
More than half the time
With ridiculously petty thoughts like
"Why so early?"
"Why so heavy?"
And very scaringly the following
"Why me?"
"Why can't i just live my own life and do what i really want?"
Selfish
Inconsiderate
And a total bitch
That would be me
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Serioulsy need to get a control of my emotions before i start hurting people knowingly or unknowingly
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7 more days
My mom's biopsy went well
She's recuperating at home now
Thank you all for your smses and calls and tags and everything that you guys do
Been quite a bitch for the past few days
Black faced
Stoned faced
Pissed faced
Sleepy faced
7 more days to knowing what the *toot* is going on
The wait should be over soon
Hopefully
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Oh Well
The moment i was dreading for all this while.....
The HR lady for my Shenzhen job offer called up about signing of contracts today
Well, i spitted out everything about the biopsy and stuff
Surprisingly, all she said was "ok, update me"
That was it
Seriously i doubt she believes me
She is probably thinking that this clown here is just trying to buy more time
But oh well
What has to be done has been done
Am actually quite speechless
2 more days to Hsinghai Concert
3 More days to biopsy
??? days to peace
Praying hard these days
But it is so amazing
A free thinker like me
Who does not really believe in anything
And who does not really Don't believe in anything
Praying to who, praying to what
I doubt it works at all
Blind faith is all i have anyway
Faith in what? Fate?
hahahaha.
Oh well
Silly thoughts on a silly Friday morning
Mood : Plain crap
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Thank You & Sorry
I overreacted.
As usual.
But think i could be excused. Right?
Thank you for all your nice and encouraging smses, calls and tags on my board
I also find it so very surprising and yet honoured that you guys are checking out my blog
In fact, more frequently than i do write and for that
Thank you again
Sorry for disappearing and shutting out practically everyone from this for all these while
Sorry to KP and LG for me screwing up my schedules and messed up life
Sorry to the misleading word "operation" it should be "biopsy" instead
Sorry for over-reacting
Sorry to all those who care
Thank you for bearing with me and reading through this weird shit article.
And sorry if it sucks.
I bet it does.
Oh well.....
Music - None
Mood - Apolegetic
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Another Trial?
Seriously.
God or whatever higher being out there is out to fool me.
Truly.
I strongly believe so.
It was only yesterday i finally decided to embark on a new journey.
And today,
I recieved news which could only be termed as a pending disaster,
News that my mom needs to go for an operation
On the 16th
For the removal of a growth near her nose bridge
To determine whether the growth is cancerous or not
Needless to say
If it turns out badly i will stay
No questions asked
But of course i am hoping
Hoping not entirely course i really wanna go to China
But mainly hoping that my mom would be fine
Trial after trial
Its only 25 years thus far
How much more do you want me to go through
Is this just another trial?
I have survived so many
I believe i would survive again
But why me?
Why this time?
I really don't know
Emotions now?
Not anger, not sadness, not regret, not nothing
But this sheer fear and utter despair
Perhaps, just perhaps
I admit defeat
Finally
Mood - ?
Music - John Mraz- I'm Yours (Its playing in the background anyway)
Leave me alone, you bloody mother fucker. Why can't you just let me be happy?
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Have decided to keep the feel good song as my blog song. But now, it almost seems pathetic and gloating rather than happy. Oh well, life is this way ain't it so?
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I am so silly
Just so silly
The lack of exercise and outdoor activities has dulled my brain
After a short jog and loads of panting, i finally realised
This is not about me
Nothing at all
I'm sorry for even thinking and writing the above crap
But it shall not be deleted and shall stay as a lesson to me
Good luck mom
I hope everything turns out fine
Please be fine
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Lyrics of Da Song Playing.....
John Mraz - I'm Yours
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
No need to complicate
Our time is short
It can not wait, I'm yours
Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love
I won't hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, The sky is yours...
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Decided.
Shenzhen it will be.
Amazed at how much peace it brings.
Perhaps
I will be able to rest better tonight.
Finally.
Thanks to all.
Who have been nice and provided a listening ear to this indecisive cow.
You know who you are.
Mood: Relived
Music: Random tracks of my bro's comp
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Dilemma
Confused. Dilemma after dilemma. It never seems to end, When will it end? Will it end?
Shenzhen vs Singapore.
Career vs family & friends & CO & comfort zone & familiarity etc etc.....
Uncertainty with probability of succeess vs possible 'safer' route
Further studies (Waiting in vain?) vs Work
Fucking lying bastard (feels better) vs plain old bastard (irresponsible & easier way out)
Read an article in the Straits Times today (220707) . Titled,
Chasing the Dream vs Bring home the Bacon....
Guess it basically sums up what the heck i am going through all these while
More muggertoad (Dream) vs Work (Bacon)
Even blogging feels weird these days.
Blog vs Close down
I have to move on. Eventually. Or do i?
Mood- Utterly confused and in need of a friendly hug
Music - John Mraz - I'm Yours (10th spin today. At least.)
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Some photos in the exhaustingly heavy (both metaphorically and literally) blue gown. Enjoy.....
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