Choices?
|2:24 PM
Life is all about choices.
Choosing what you eat for dinner
Choosing to watch that pirated dvd instead of in the theaters
Choosing to fly many thousands of miles to work instead of staying at home
Choosing to spend numerous hours online hoping to chat with your friends instead of just plain old sleeping or reading the news or doing something more productive
Choosing to continuously babble mindlessly online, bare for all to see
Choosing to speak up or not
Choosing to selectively share information to whoever
Choosing to just continue breathing
But choosing to be happy?
I doubt so. It is seldom so easy. I wished it were though. Really. Perhaps my past encounter with depression was never really gone. I think sooooo much sometimes that it scares me. Perhaps my intellect combined with my pessimism is just too developed for my puny little mind to handle. (Haha! What a way to praise and belittle myself in 1 sentence ehy?)
How often do you feel like you are stuck in situations when you don’t really have a choice?
For me? Too many. Way too many that I would really like.
The most recent one was the posting to a team which will take effect after 3 months of training here. Basically I was “chosen” to be in the team by pure elimination and the following factors.
· I am TOO NICE
· I did quite OK for some of the hands-on tests we had
· My passport is good for easy application for visas to most countries.
Basically, I am to be in a team to learn to become a technical guru and walking manual for all if not most of the machines used in the manufacturing of mobile phones, so I can fly to places (commonly third world or developing nations) to assist in the setting of new plants or new production lines and assist them till their mass production stabilizes. Put it in an even simpler way, I am just some glorified technician with a better degree. As good as this may sound to many of you reading this, just so you know, all four of us here were all NOT too keen on this position because of the technicality and the “menial” labour style of working as compared to the other positions in other teams. Guess you can say yours truly is the very lucky one ehy? Since when did being nice and hands-on enough be something you should be penalized on? Shouldn’t I be given more choice? Perhaps this is reality. The cold and harsh working world, where choices and preferences don’t really matter anymore.
I know I should not give up and bitch about stuff that I have not really encountered first hand yet. But can you blame me? Literally having this post shoved down my throat, while the rest more or less could choose a little and have slightly more managerial roles which provides more interaction with external customers.
Sometimes I just wonder. Where will this lead me? BUT. As the saying goes, ”If you never try, you will never know” . Or will I?
Moody, over-analyzing and overly pessimistic.
As usual.
moo.
Daneo.
-got milk?-
Blah!
|2:23 PM
Really bad start for my 2nd month anniversary here in Shenzhen. Or in very song2 (hokkien) mama languang, sibei freaking suay.
It all began with what started out to be a normal and seemingly very pleasant Sunday to Shenzhen city. We went around buying stuff at some comparatively very expensive supermarket specially catered for expatriates and Chinese with very unique tastes. Some interesting items there are Ayam brand tuna, Crocodile meat and foreign liquor like Bailey’s, Kahlua and Paulaner Beer. Naturally, due to its uniqueness, the prices are also considerably “unique”. Anyways, I went to spulrge on some fruit and nuts muesli to go with yoghurt for breakfast, so I could FINALLY escape from the monotony of eating bread for breakfast everyday. (For those who are uninformed, I DON”T LIKE BREAD)
Of course, as always, for me, I ALWAYS digress when doing grocery shopping and ended up buying some “extras” namely, Ritter Sport Biscuit (Stupid Yiing got me hooked! :P) and some German candies. Which cost significantly more expensive than anywhere in Singapore. Haha! I RAWK! See attached photos for my spoils of war.
The weird ass euphoria which arose from god knows where lasted only till the end of the grocery shopping trip. Its like a shitty mood just came out of nowhere and bit me in the ass. Basically I started to behave like a spoilt bitch. Complain about hot weather. Complain about walking too fast. Complain about wanting to sit down. Complain about wanting to go home. Complain, complain, complain. Even I myself cannot stand me.
Naturally, with my incessant nagging and the cooperation of my very nice friends we left town for home rather early giving me a lot of time to slowly prepare myself for bed and have a good rest for the long week of work ahead. Then, the worst possible case of insommia struck. Buddy asked me, why insommia? Missing Singapore and its people? Maybe, probably, but it is definitely not the only reason. My mind just refused to stop moving. On nothing particularly, but loads of nonsensical stuff. One example would be like "Damn the cockroach in my room. Why can’t I find it?”. And tonnes of other ridiculous and rather unimportant stuff. It was only till around 4 am then I finally went into lala land.
This morning I was rudely woke up by the bloody freaking air conditioning unit in the house malfunctioning and causing the circuit breaker to trip. And yours truly is typing this entry in the horrendous heat. ARGH. What makes matters worse is that the estimated "repair duration" by the hostel admin stuff = 1 week! 1 bloody mother fucking week! ARGH. (Kindly excuse the lingo. Extreme situations take for extreme lingo)
Streak of bad luck. Again?
Or am I just over-reacting? Again?
Whatever. Blah!
moo.
Daneo.
-got milk?-
Bonkers in Shenzhen
|2:22 PM
Yuqin complained that day I don’t blog often enough. Buddy complained on yet another day that my blog is dead.
Yiing also complained why am I not writing.
Angeline just read my blog when I am writing this entry.
Of course not forgetting Victor my dear old ex roomie who pops in to read and leave some comments for those very miserable few entries I have came up with so far.
It made me realise, that my blog does have its very limited charm and audience, where every once in awhile, some faithful readers will pop by and take a look. Thank you very much for that. Truly. =)
Then I decided to evaluate myself. Why am I writing so little? Why do I have so little to rant these days? The mood? Perhaps. The venue and its restrictions? Perhaps. Plain laziness? Nah, have always been lazy. Perhaps it is just a culmination of all the above factors. I am not depressed, sad or happy enough. China blocks blogspot and this windows live spaces shit for some reason does not allow me to sort or post my photos easily. And of course, I am just freaking lazy. Haha!
Enough about that, next up, confessions.
I am so so so sorry for forgetting the birthdays of the following people. So here is a super belated birthday wish,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELINE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELVIN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEYA!
NB: The above was arranged purely in alphabetical order and of no preference at all. =)
This entry is damn lame.
Whatever.
Moo.
Bonkers in Shenzhen
moo.
Daneo.
-got milk?-
